And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
