dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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