Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
