i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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