i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The best revenge is premature balding
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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