I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
