burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
