You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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