We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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