The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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