she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
