its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
