so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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