i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
