I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
