im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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