just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
