4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Everclear isn't food dammit
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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