Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
