I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize