why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
