I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
please come you make the beer taste better
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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