just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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