yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he fucked my hip out of place.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize