I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
