someone get that fucking seahorse.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Randomize
