I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
