Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
im six kinds of drunk right now
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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