My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
