I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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