Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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