Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize