I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize