There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
