roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
