We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
