Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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