So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
