My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
