we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
