you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
