I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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