a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
