Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
