Will you blow on my dice?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize