He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
