tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
