Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
