it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Randomize
