Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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