He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
