Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
