this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
