Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
