i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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