I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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