lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize