She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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