Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
