actually, I'm a sock model
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
