it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
