well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
