i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
