I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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