Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
