so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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