i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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