did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
