i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
