Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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