she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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