You're so nebulous sometimes
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
