1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
