none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
