Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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