Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
