Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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