i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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