I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
